The Illusion of Happiness

We all know what it feels like to be in a state of longing, always hoping to find the grass greener just over the hill ahead. Alan Watts coined the Backward law, which states that desiring a positive experience is a negative experience. Fixation on whatever we want entirely takes over our senses, and the ability to be present and peaceful seems a million miles away.

The truth is that the pursuit of happiness is an illusion. Most of us remember what it was like when we were seven years old on Christmas morning. There was this sense that whatever was wrong the day before no longer existed if we could open that perfect toy or trinket. Most of the time, we finished playing with it by noon. Is this where our fixation on happiness began?

Discontentment is the body's way of alerting us to unmet needs. Maslow realized how devastating it could be if we can’t find a way to meet our basic needs, especially as children. It can lead to so many painful and maladaptive coping mechanisms. Discontentment causes us to strive long and hard to ensure our needs are met. For many Americans, listening to our bodies and realizing our actual needs is considered a weakness, so we find ourselves in a deficit, overcompensating with food, drugs, or other means of pleasure. The idea that our feelings don’t matter has left us in a constant state of longing without understanding what we are longing for or why. During our formative years, we desperately wanted to feel safe and loved, and when that need wasn’t met, we were blamed for how we learned to cope. Still today, we long to feel like we did on Christmas morning because the need for safety, love, and belonging hasn't faded.

Emotions such as sadness, hurt, longing, and emptiness are messengers sent to show us that somewhere deep inside, a part of us is in desperate need. Happiness may seem like the only answer, but it isn't. We can learn to listen to our body’s natural ability to alert us to need and attend to it healthily. We can take the time to understand the intentions of our emotions and what they may be trying to tell us.

Can you take a moment to notice what's going on inside? What are you feeling and sensing in your body? What do you notice?